Innappropriate Stories You Should Never Read
by BloodRedInk
Summary: Let's say that there is alot of pencil sharpening round Hogwarts


Disclaimer: I own pretty much nothing 

Disclaimer: I own pretty much nothing. Everything belongs to JK Rowling and the over merchandising people of WB. Therefore.. don't sue me. 

A Pencil Sharpener Story 

Chapter 1: Prefects 

Loud music was blaring from the Prefect common room, which was not unusual considering the types of weirdoes that got picked as Prefects. Harry sighed. It had been right after the first meal at Hogwarts at the beginning of his sixth year that Hermione, Ron, Draco, and he, had been announced as lord would have it, prefects. 

Herimone, being Hermione, was incredibly pleased and wore a grin so big it made the teachers suspicious of a midnight snog session with Krum. 

"Oh Yeah.. in all of your faces.. you wankers!"she yelled, and then blushed when McGonagall flashed her by-gods-you-are-swearing-in-front- of -a-million-teachers look. 

Ron on the other hand, was dang surprised and partially annoyed, having just joined the ranks of Percy. 

"Crud.. I bet I even get Percy's old room now.. everything I own is crap." 

Harry knew immediately he had to console Ron before he blew up the Great Hall. 

"Don't worry about it. Besides, prefects get their own rooms.. soundproof, that is.. heh heh heh." 

Ron was just confused. 

"What about soundproof.. oh…oooh… ooooohh!" (each time getting louder until it sounded that he had freaking appendicitis.) 

Then he grinned and starting to profile all the girls who'd been picked as prefects. 

Hmm.. he thought… blonds or brunettes tonight? 

" Umm Ron…. You do realize you just said that out loud and into the charmed microphone randomly placed next to your seat by the author…" 

And so it came that at the end of the day they all retired to their separate rooms that night. 

Around 3 am the next morning Harry was trying to sneak back in to the Prefect's bedroom that he shared with Ron. He wasn't paying too much attention to the way he opened the door, considering that after buying Cho a few more Mai Tais than sensible.. which led to having an incredibly successful snog session in Dumbledore's office. He had acquired in the process a goodly sum of lovers bit marks and pink lipstick. 

Surprisingly Fawkes, who had been their formerly innocent audience, just about keeled over from those proceedings. 

He'll be scarred for life.. thought Harry. 

It was right about then that Harry realized he was staring into La-La-Land and had been trying to use his teeth to open the bedroom door. 

He was about to remove his teeth when he realized that Ron was singing and he could almost hear the lyrics through the crack in the soundproof door. Harry squished his ear as hard as he could and was first shocked, then incredibly amused. 

This was what he heard… 

"Dunnnnn..dunnn. duun.. 

Ohh,, push it hard.. push it good. 

I'm in a dirty kind of mood.. 

My mind's in the gutter.. 

I can't stop a shudder.. 

When you hold me by the.. 

Whoooo's gonna know? 

Give it to me anyway ya can! 

OOH! 

Do me baby.. do me! 

UUUh huhh! 

Push it hard.. push it good 

Yeah yeah 

Push it hard.. push it good 

Evidently Ron had a *friend* or two over. 

Then there was a high-pitched giggle. 

Hmm. Guess it must be a blonde then, thought Harry. 

At that moment, he felt kind of sadistic. So, with a deft twist.. unlocked the door to try and catch Ron *ahem.. insert present tense verb* a chick. 

And he saw Ron in ducky boxers… 

Chapter 3: T'was a Brunette Then? 

Pushing a pencil into an automatic pencil sharpener. 

Ron noticed Harry had come into the room and stopped singing, then said, " Hi Harry.. what's up?" 

Then he narrowed his eyes, 

" Uh.. Harry.. it's 3 am. Where have you been? 

Harry, remembering the bit marks and began to blush an interesting shade of crimson. 

" I was out… doing things." 

Ron suddenly had an extremely inappropriate idea and smirked 

"What sort of *things*? Looks to me like you've been a-doing something called Cho." 

Then Harry remembered the giggle. 

"So Ron.. was it a blonde then? Or a brunette? I heard you singing *things*. `Push it hard, push it good' tends to imply things." 

"What things? It just helps me remembered the pencil sharpening charm. What did you think I was singing about?" 

"Yeah… What did you think he was singing about?" asked Hermione from under Ron's bedcovers. 

A/N: This was inspired by my recent visit to a very interesting Truth or Dare slumber party in which one guy did the FULL MONTY while singing the aforementioned song. This is my first fan fic so don't hurt me…. I'm normally a H/Hr or a D/Hr, but hey.. I liked the pencil sharpener bit. This is the first in a series of "The Stories That Shouldn't Be Read Due to Inappropriate Content". 

Please review. If even one person does, and I get flamed.. I'll continue.. Please review! 

Document created with wvWare/wvWare version 0.6.7 -->


End file.
